polite dance song

Paul doesn't like me. I should not be bothered by this, but I am. It is awkward because he is friends with people that I like. It is doubly awkward because of my position as president of the gsa, and that he attends our meetings/events.

I can say unequivocally that he had always had a disdain for me even before the incidents that occurred during one of Aussie Ben's month long going away party. I have, from what I can remember, pinched his nipples (or something of the sort) (which were newly pierced) during one of those silly games that we were playing. Only I didn't know that he had stopped playing along, and that I somehow crossed the threshold of acceptable and inappropriate. These things are hard to keep track of when everyone is drinking and having fun.

Part of me wonders if he had made such a big deal out it because it was me who did it, and that given his low opinion of me made me out as the perverted villain in the story.

Even though I had apologized and dealt with the awkwardness of it all, in front of my friends and some strangers, I can't help but feel that I am being whispered about in certain circles. I shouldn't care about it, but I do.

Keri had confirmed that Paul do in fact doesn't like me. She said he thought that my apology was not sincere enough. But its hard to be sincere about something when you know that you were not completely culpable. If anything, it was comparable fault. The only reason why I accepted all the blame was because I wanted hold on to my dignity in spite of the rather embarrassing event.

I need to fix this.

Featured music: Polite Dance Song by The Bird & The Bee

I despise people that although able, chooses to free ride on the efforts and contributions of others. I also hate people that uses the law to get away with morally appalling things.

But that's life. Can't do anything about it.

fuck you

I don't understand how bringing this up would introduce a debate on same-sex marriage.

Two Iowa legislators are getting heat from the gay community. The lawmakers want to remove protection to lesbians, gay and transgender students from the Safe Schools Law, in and effort to reverse the Iowa's Supreme Court decision to legalize same-sex marriage.

Rep. Jason Schultz says he's not doing this to hurt gay, lesbian and transgender students, he's just trying to forward his agenda to make same sex marriage illegal here in Iowa.

"The Bully Bill or Safe School Act doesn't protect anyone anyway. Schools are already doing this, so to remove few words doesn't change the intent or effect of the law," says Rep. Jason Schultz.

Last April, one of the reasons the Iowa Supreme Court pointed to for legalizing same sex marriage, were bills like the Safe Schools Act, which protects gay and lesbian students. He wants to take out the wording in the Safe Schools Act, and all Iowa legislation, so lawmakers can debate same sex marriage on the floor.

However, the Iowa Pride Network says the bill singles out gay, lesbian, and transgender students, and makes them a target for harassment.

They accuse the bill's authors of playing politics with student's lives, and gay students fear the harassment will only get worse.

"People smeared paint on my locker and pushed me in the hallway and I've been made fun of for who I am. Why would lawmakers want that to continue? Why wouldn't they want to protect me and better my education and time in my community?" says gay Stephen Boatwright.

Rep. Schultz admits the bill won't go anywhere, but that's not the point. He hopes it will renew the efforts to make same sex marriage illegal here in Iowa, and start a debate on the house floor sometime this session.

Enforced or not this guy is basically telling gay and lesbian kids that they are worthless as human beings and not worth the effort to protect,it would be like repealing the Civil Rights Act and then telling black people it isn't needed anyway.

If you support equal rights for everyone, PLEASE contact these legislators. Please also contact your own representative and senator. Let your voices be heard!

Here is how to e-mail the representatives who proposed this amendment:
1. IA Rep. Jason Schultz, jason.schultz@legis.state.ia.us
2. IA Rep. Matt Windschitl, matt.windschitl@legis.state.ia .us


Featured music: Fuck You by Lily Allen

again & again

Sitting in my student office space, going through a bunch of red tape for our GSA's trip to MBLGTACC in Madison, Wisonsin. It is a task, and I can't help but feel resentful when I notice some collective action/free rider problem that pops up.

Like, a couple of participants, because they have found their own lodging, and since the registration and transportation are provided for, will not be making any contribution to the cost of the trip. I understand the logic behind it... but it still sucks. I know that there is something wrong with that arrangement, morally speaking, but technically she can get away with it.

I'm not suprised by any of this. She is the type of person that likes to take credit for things that she had least to do with.

Whatever... I'm so over the GSA. Thank god, it's my last semester.


Featured music: Again & Again by The Bird and The Bee

just for now

Its been a while since my last update. I noticed that my last couples posts had been about partying. I live in a small university town, there is nothing else to do here but go to house parties. I have decided though, that since Aussie Ben had finally left the country/continent, thus ending his month-long "going away party", that I can finally go back to living my mundane college life.

If you are just tuning in, this is what you've missed:

I'm on my last semester, studying politics and foreign affairs. I'm still on the fence about going to law school. I doubt that I'll be any good at it.

I am currently seeing a counselor for my anger issues, although I am not a violent person, just easily annoyed than most people.

I am the president of my school's GSA. A position that I am proud to hold, but at same time causes me so much added stress. Today I was part of a panel about LGBT youth issues. I like doing it. It reminds me why I chose to be a part of the GSA.

I dread going back home after graduation and living the same life that I've had before going to college. I realize that this is not uncommon, specially during this current economic condition.

I love my friends, but I feel that I have outgrown them. There are times, even when I am surrounded by friends, I feel disconnected. Thus I feel alone.

I don't really want to be with anyone. I can't be with anyone because I feel that I don't have a lot to offer... yet.

'Just For Now'

It's that time of year
Leave all our hopelessnesses aside
if just for a little while
Tears stop right here
I know we've all had a bumpy ride
I'm secretly on your side

How did you know?
It's what I always wanted
You can never have too many of these
Will ya, quit kicking me under the table
I'm trying, will somebody make her
Shut up about it!
Can we settle down please?

It's that time of year
Leave all our hopelessnesses aside
if just for a little while
Tears stop right here
I know we've all had a bumpy ride
I'm secretly on your side

Bite Tongue, deep breaths, count to 10, nod your head.

sniff sniff) i think something is burning
No you've ruined the whole thing
Muffle the smoke alarm

Whoever put on this music
had better quick sharp remove it
Pour me another
and don't wag your finger at me

It's that time of year
Leave all our hopelessness aside
if just for a little while
Tears stop right here
I know we've all had a bumpy ride
I'm secretly on your side

Get me out of here
Get me out of here
Get me out of here

Featured music: Just For Now by Imogen Heap

breath in

In time I will learn to react differently to things that currently irritates me. As I train my brain to disassociate negative thoughts with these irritants, I will learn to be more calm and centered. Obviously this will be quite a feat. But I am willing to take it on if it meant that I will be a much happier person in the end.

Happiness is such an elusive thing that pursuit of it makes it more worth while.

Step one: Pause...

... and breath in.

Featured music: Breath In by Frou Frou

strange things will happen

Three years later and I finally comprehend the Leviathan. It would be sooo handy once I'm in the real world! I came to a conclusion that ultimately my education will not bring me any material prosperity. This sucks because I like stuff.

I have not applied to any law schools yet. I just want to step back and take a breather. Hence Europe this summer. I think that it will help regroup and re-prioritize my life.

Certainly, I have not been the person that I want to be. My life plans have been derailed and I'm at a cross roads. I wish that I can rely on my parents to give me guidance, but it is pointless talking to them. I just can't seem to get a clear answer from anyone.

When I was younger, I was always told what to do. More often than not, I did the opposite of what I was told. But at least I had some parameters. I had clear options/choices. Now that greater things are at stake, I don't even know where to begin.

On one hand, the possibilities are endless, on the other hand, the vastness of it overwhelms me.


Featured music: Strange Things Will Happen by The Radio Dept.